This weekend would have been my 40th ruby wedding anniversary. Steve and I got married in 1978, we made it to our 38th anniversary but no further. I wanted to remember my anniversary, so I decided to visit the woodland site where Steve is buried. I normally go with other people, usually my middle son because he doesn’t drive. The site in Wrabness, overlooks the River Stour, a beautiful location.
I set off at 11.00 am, in glorious sunshine, there was just one other couple talking in the car park but they were soon on their way. I had the whole place to myself.
The oak tree planted on Steve’s grave last October looked very dry, with the drought this summer I’m not sure if it will survive. I poured some of the water I had over the roots. I’d also brought a toilet roll with me, if I’m going to cry I don’t want to run out of tissues.
I sat down cross-legged in front of Steve’s grave and started talking. It was the first time in 18 months I talked to Steve for over an hour. There was just so much to tell him and I’m normally restrained by the people I have with me.
I told him all the family news, explained how well his mum and dad were doing, my holiday experiences in Sicily, my Airbnb guests, my plans to write blog posts about my life and lots of little things like how the garden was growing and news about life in Ipswich.
On the car journey home I felt emotionally drained but my connection to Steve was stronger. I made a pact to talk more to Steve, to my favourite picture of him which I often kiss before I go to bed.
I’ve done this a few times and it's really powerful. Other people say they have shrines set up in their homes where they can talk to their loved ones. The hardest thing I found was when you ask a question, there’s silence.
It's often in that place of silence, the answer will come.
Perhaps this Anthony Robbins quote provides an explanation.
“All I need is within me now”
Give it a Try
Do you talk to your deceased loved one? If you’ve never tried it, find a place where you won’t be disturbed take a photo or something else that has a strong connection, turn off your phone and start talking.
What gives you comfort?
I’ve always felt that Steve lives on through his children and his grandson, but through his sourdough starter too? I had no idea.